Wednesday, December 28, 2011

A Glimpse of the Past! Part I

As I was pondering on the next blog idea, I was wondering what it should look like.. I've been so thankful for the blessings God has given me and the path that he has choosen for us I began to think back to where this all started.  With that said, here is a Piece of my TESTIMONY!!!!

       I met Mike when we were only 14 years old.   It didn’t take long for Mike to realize what kind of family he was getting involved with; as much as I thought he wouldn’t be patient, the more he found it a challenge.  Empty promises, broken dreams, and extremely unfair punishments is the price I paid for our relationship; as My mother tried to protect me.  One of the things I admire about Mike to this day is his dedications, perseverance to endure such hardships, even ones that were not his own.  At the time, however I looked to Mike as my savior and my hero.  He was quickly tearing my emotional wall down.  I had very high expectation of Mike. He would make promises and keep them; he actually showed me what true love was. When Mike learned that I was taking pills, and hitting myself he was so disappointed in me.   At first I couldn’t understand his disappointment as I used these things as coping mechanisms.  That was the first time I had realized that I needed to heal from emotional wounds but didn’t know how.  Our relationship developed and I found myself pregnant at just two months before my 17th birthday.  I was so afraid that I actually hid my pregnancy for 5 months.  I was so scared to lose the one good thing in my life.  I was faced with a choice that I had to make, when I saw other peoples reaction and their disapproval it just inspired me to fight.  I was repeatedly given the option of abortion as my safe way out.   I was told that I couldn’t be a mother at such a young age, I would have my youth stolen from me and that it would be irresponsible to raise a child while being a child myself.  To make matters worse Mike was enlisting in the army. Deep down I was resentful and afraid of him leaving me.   The disappointment and disgrace I had brought to my mom was unbearable, however she was supportive. I was determined to prove to the world that I could handle such responsibility.  I had Kirk July 31, 1995 and was the happiest day of my life!

That year was rough, my dad was dying of cancer and moved back home. The army had fallen through for Mike. I was dealing with being a high school parent and all the repercussions that brought.  My mothers and my relationship took a spiral turn for the worse that December when we got into a fight and she kicked me out of her house.  Mike and I found an apartment and Kirk and I left.  A week later my dad died of cancer, I couldn’t grieve because to some level I felt guilty, and ashamed.  I finished school that year, and Mike and I married Sept. 7th, 1995.  We were on the road to a perfect family finally. All my dreams were coming true and I was finally away from the damaged relationship and I wasn’t looking back.  Mike had done want he had promised; he had become my knight and shining armor! 
 I was missing something in my life and found myself back in church.  Mike wanted no part of it, so I went alone. We had our fair share of life dealing us a bunch of disappointments.  Amongst our disappointments however, our second blessing came 2 years later, Owen-Michael, on October 23, 1997.  I wanted to climb the success ladder quickly to prove to everyone I could be the perfect, wife and mother.  So we bought our first home in Sept of 1998.  The one thing I lacked was the responsibility of doing finances and handling money. I would often  go hungry because we were too prideful to ask for help. I ended up needed back surgery, when the boys were 2 and 4, which I felt an immensely amount of guilt. I hated to do anything for myself as a punishment of not knowing how to take care of our finances.  I ended up suffering the loss of two miscarriages the following year.  As a result, I went into a secret depression.  I learned to manipulate everyone around me, and convinced them that everything was perfect. Mike drank all the time, we fought all the time.  Things weren't perfect like I imagine them to be.  But no one would have predicted the storm that was brewing, that would turn our lives upside down and inevitably be the worst thing our family had to endure. The calm before the storm came when our Miracle Daughter was born, on November 13th, 2000.
  She had completed our family in more ways then we could imagine. She was the daughter I longed for and the angel God sent us.  She saved her brothers when she was only 3 1/2 .  As tragedy struck our home, and we were knocked down; we  found out that year that our boys were being abused.  Their innocence had been stolen from them, as a result we had to put a man in jail.  Just like that, Our American Dream had shattered. We lost our home, our vehicle, our hopes and dreams in a bankruptcy!  But with any and all storms; God WILL NOT bring you to a storm HE can NOT WALK YOU THROUGH!! And that year he walked us through some darkest nights.....                                                Psalm 23 

   1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want   He makes me lie down in green pastures, 

      he leads me beside quiet waters,  he refreshes my soul.  He guides me along the right paths 

     for his name’s sake.   Even though I walk  through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil,  for

you  are with me;  your rod and your staff  they comfort me.

 Thank you that take the broken places  in our lives and make them new....
take the bitterness and make it sweet... the destitute places and give us hope.....ashes of our lives you give us beauty..... your unfailing love that keeps giving into our lives....

1 comment:

  1. I am so BLESSED that you are a part of our lives! God knows what and who we need in our life, better than I could ever dream of! Thanks for being MY HERO! Mary