Sunday, September 2, 2012

Digging Deep!! Part 1


    


While talking with a dear friend of mine the other day the topic of clear directions came up.. Which got me to ponder. I think at times we have all had seasons in our lives where we were called to WAIT.. But wait for what?

Sometimes it's frustrating not knowing exactly the reason God is calling us to wait.  My heart was extremely heavy leaving the conversation that day.  I prayed that God would reveal some insight, and surely HE DID!! We serve a mighty, powerful and faithful GOD... With that said, the insight was a memory of when Mike and I was going through the valley of waiting.  I say that because sometimes we need to go through a valley to be able to celebrate the MOUNTAIN God will bring us to!  During the time Mike and I had felt like going into ministry there was a lot going on in our lives at the time.  I couldn't imagine one more thing to handle but GOD could imagine it; little did I know I would go through much more.  During this time I actually wrote a journal.  Why I do not keep up with that is beyond me.  I really wish that was a habit I would continue to do... However, the journal and testimony during that time is the reason for these next few blogs.. (and I THOUGHT I was transparent ENOUGH)

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After  13 years of an emotional roller coaster Mike had finally dedicated his life to the Lord. Afterwards I wondered what I would use my prayers for.. I had spent years praying for God to move that mountain and the answer finally came to past. Little did I know we would go through another valley of waiting.  I didn't feel as if I deserved to WAIT once again.. I should be exempted from this or something.  At church, during worship one Sunday morning the song "God of This City" by Chris Tomlin came on.  I found myself overcome with the peace of knowing that God wasn't done with us and that something BIG was still to happened.. I was overcome with His presence during the entire song.  God was speaking to me through the words of this song.  I had the reassurance of knowing that just because we were going through a valley once again; there was GREATER things still to be done as long as we believed.

"God Of This City"

You're the God of this City
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are

You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater thing have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God



Shortly after Mike gave his heart to Christ, Jesus was revealing in me that I needed "an overhaul"  I was battling with secret depression at the time, and I was convinced that I was strong enough that I didn't need anyone to talk to.. I kept myself busy and waited for opportunities "to help" others out.  So long as others were talking and sharing their problems... I did NOT have too. I kept my emotions to myself.. Subconsciencly, I developed a long the way that expressing sadness was a sign of weakness. I for one was not going to give anyone a reason to say I was a weak person. After all, I was a people pleaser and we just simply do not do those types of things.
What I did not realize is that God uses our very own testimonies as instruments to share with others the hope of being FREE from the strongholds that grip our minds, thoughts and attitudes.  And he was about to use mine. God chooses each and everyone of our paths out of love!! He also DESIRES a personal relationship with each of us, it is just not a religion.  The more I was seeking God the more I desired for him to change my heart. I realized that my focus had switched from being worried and concerned with the directions we needed to go verses how I could be used as a channel for him; to be his hands and feet. I dug into his word trying to gain the wisdom that I needed.
During this time God was restoring Mike and I's relationship.. That wasn't always easy, we truly had to overcome the challenges.  adding to the mix the boy's learning disabilities were truly surfacing by now.  We spent and ongoing couple of years trying to fight a battle that never was meant to be fought! I was exhausted and did not know how to stick up for my children. I needed to be their voice but so much time had passed and I was backed into a a corner..  I finally realized that I was being selfish about the outcome.  I did not want my children "labeled" but the whole time I choose not to have them tested a label was being formed.  After they received their medical diagnoses the schools still did not agree and no permanent accommodations were given to the boys. I remember sitting at my dinning room table one afternoon, just sobbing. I felt like I was in fight mood.. I felt like everything I prayed about, the answer was WAIT. I was dealing with the brokenness of our marriage and trying to get it back on track, we were transitioning from a harvest of busyness, fighting for accommodations for the boys, relationships started to deteriorate, waiting for open doors, desires of our hearts were changing.  Everything that we were involved with some how some way started looking different.
To make matters worse I was suffering with some medical issues (NOT my back for once) As I continued to sob I heard the voice of the Lord and among everything that we were going through.. The Lord announced that If I spent half the time trusting in him and believing in what he had in store for me as I did trying to "PROVE" to people what THEY needed to know or here... then I wouldn't feel as if I was fighting and waiting.  Who did I have to prove things to anyways? The only person who mattered was the LORD.  His design for our lives is perfect but we need to trust in HIM.  God has a plan for us-sometimes it requires our cooperation

Deut. 32:4 " He is the rock his works are perfect and all his ways are just.  A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he"

He is worthy of our complete trust...

God is a good God

Romans 8:28 " And we know in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him have been called according to HIS purpose.

Worrying and fretting about whether we are making a wrong or right decision accomplishes nothing. Instead consciously include the Lord in our decision making.  When we do this in the middle of our problems comes PEACE, a sense of well-being, and a sure knowledge that God is with our family.
God never takes away except to give us back something better.We must be brave enough and determined enough to WAIT because it often takes God time to turn a painful situation to good.  We can embrace our pain and not resent it because a blessing is COMING!

(Continue to Part II)


           



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