Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Day 12 of Thankfulness!!!!!

Today I am thankful for my mom.... She actually was my grandmother who raised 8 of her own children.  After she adopted my brother, sister and I she had 11 children.  In addition to 11 children she has 20 grandchildren and 9 great grandchildren (#10 on the way in January)!!!!!!   I'll be honest, our relationship was never the greatest; however she has really made a great effort and made attempts to restore our relationship.  She and I were talking recently... during our conversation she had told me that she really admired and supported what Mike and I was doing.. She wanted to help us because she believed in us; she had always wanted to be a missionary and this was her way of giving back!! If it weren't for my mom, watching Kirk for me,  I would have never graduated high school.. She would wake up in the middle of the night after hearing me rock him hours after hours, knowing I had a test the next day and take him for me.....I really wished I knew then what I know now, I feel things could have been different.  But, they say you learn from your mistakes.  I cried after talking with my mother during this recent conversations because she told me she loved me and was proud of me and thought I was a beautiful person...... I didn't hear those words much, but she also apologized for that as well!!! Oh, I'm sure if she were the one talking, she would have her fair share of the things I did wrong.... She was the better person as she spoke words I so desperately longed to hear. I could not bring myself to say the same thing... I harbored deep, emotional scars of the past, and I have forgiven her.  I wanted to share it with her but I couldn't. I wanted to say THANK YOU for being there for me even when it was difficult to raise me... But I couldn't it... I wanted to say that she was beautiful as well, and I had accepted that she did what she could with the knowledge she had.... But I couldn't..... But I can honestly say, now that I am a mother, I truly know what it means to try the very best you can!! My mom sacrificed in her own way... She always had people over, always gave her plate of food if that meant our guests would get first, knowing that meant that she may have gone without.  She did the best she could and FOR THAT I am thankful for my MOTHER!!!


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