Sunday, January 6, 2013

Silence is LONELY!!


Troubles chasin me again,
Breaking down my best defence,
I'm looking, God, I'm looking for you
Weary just won't let me rest, and fear is filling up my head.
I'm longing, God I'm longing for you
But I will find you in the place I'm in,

find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching I'll find you on my knees.
So what if sorrow shakes my faith,

What if heartache still remains, I'll trust you, my god I'll trust you.
'Cas u are faithful and
I will find you in the place I'm in,

 find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching Find you on my knees, my knees.
When my hope is gone, when the fear is strong

When the pain is real, when it's hard to heal
When my faith is shaken and my heart is broken and my joy is stolen,
God I know that You lift me up,
you'll never leave me searching

God is so faithful but I'm not even a fraction of how faithful he is.... When I struggle instead of running closer to God I distance myself.  I know God is for us and will never leave us or forsake us.. but I leave and forsake him all the time.  In area of my life that I need constant work on is EXPECTATIONS.... (unrealistic I may add)

~I expect to be exempt from marital problems because my husband and I have been called to mentor and work close with others marriages by opening up and being transparent.
~I expect that our relationship won't have problems..
~I expect our marriage not to be shaken to the core and to dive us back into bad habits that lacked respect and love

BUT THIS ISN'T TRUE..... What false expectations reap is a moment of silence which reaps loneliness.I'm not sure how I learned this bad habit but when my husband and I fight, or I get hurt, or am not showed love I shut down, after I have shoved my hurt deep down.. but then my emotions are quickly turned to anger and I explode on those I love! Unglued moments~
I allow my emotions to control me instead of me controlling them.  Ironically the thing I used to struggle with constantly is CONTROL.. But when I stop and think about it... Its only a MISCONCEPTION of THINKING I am in control.. The areas of my life I desperately want controlled are the areas in my life I want the most protection from.... When my heart isn't protected I run away.. Another bad habit I was taught...To run away from negativity; not dealing with or handling the situation in a healthy way... The cycle then continues because I am not in control of the situation as my emotions are not controlling the situation I become defensive.. I can manipulate the situation by going into attack mode.  Attack mode leads me COMPETING with my loved one instead of COMPLETING HIM... Attack mode turns into actions and reactions. The reactions are viewed in a poor perspective at which time poor perspective turns into the final stage.... the silent treatment and THERE the silence is lonely....
None of which is godly... Which brings on a whole new cycle.  I become a godly women acting in the most ungodly way.. not feeling worthy of God's love or even wanting to forgive those around me who have hurt me. How sad is this???  Lonely moments are such wasted moments.. But God does love us in our darkest moments!
But IT IS Gods' KINDNESS that leads us to repentance....
But His GOODNESS draws me to His side....
His MERCY causes me to be like HIM

by Jennie Lee Riddle

featured Kari JOBE 

You excite me
You surprise me
You pursue me
You move me
Like a whirlwind You lift me
Like a whisper You kiss me

For in You I find my dwelling place
In You I find amazing grace
In You I find security
Jesus You’re all I need

I am standing
And not falling
‘Cause You’re ending
What You’re starting
You won’t leave me or deceive me
You’ll always guide me,
Always hide me in You

You are all I need

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