Thursday, March 21, 2013

I CRIED!!!!!


"What is a true friend? A true friend says what they think their friend needs to hear even when they know that their friend may get angry. A true friend doesn't leave because they are afraid to be with you. A true friend doesn't leave when the fun stops and things get uncomfortable There are just of few of the values that real friends hold dear. In short, A true friend recognizes the value of the friendship and holds it sacred."

Today I received a beautiful message from a True Friend....
She did not tell me things I wanted to hear but things I needed to hear.  I have been fighting a battle and could not truly nail the reason as to why I was so hurt and offended, until this morning.  As she put the reasoning into clear words I felt these waves of emotions come over me. I began to cry..
I cried because I finally knew how I was really feeling.  I cried because my character and integrity had been proven so little in people I valued so highly. I cried because I cried because when things got uncomfortable I was rejected.  I cried because as I hold friendships sacredly I did not get the same in return. I cried because I realized that in the face of conflict I was worried about MYSELF instead of allowing God to do HIS work in me and through me.  That I have been fighting a battle between flesh and the spirit and in the end, ONCE again, my people pleasing attitude won!!   I needed to TRUST in God in this conflict and lay these emotions at HIS feet.  I read yesterday this beautiful saying.....

"Our job in conflict is not to prove OUR ways,
 but to offer the same forgiveness God offers us"

Ugh!! If I had only read this the ONE DAY earlier.... I was responding once again to a correspondence .. As I have been in complete shock over how I could be abandoned over a situations when I felt I had proven my loyalty and friendship prior to this uncomfortable situation.. that I would never harm any of my friends intentionally, and that I have warned every person I have ever come in contact with: NOT TO HOLD ME on a pede stool as I am human and will LET EVERY person I KNOW DOWN.... I seek God's grace and forgiveness on a daily basis!!

"I know that you are Lord, You say Lord that those who hope in You will NOT be disappointed" Isaiah 49:23

"I know the plans I have for you, declared that Lord, Plans to prosper you and Not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

"The Lord gives strength to his people: the Lord blesses his people with peace" Psalm 29:11

I cried because through the peace and comfort of the Holy Spirit I am FINALLY able to lay all of this down and Let God be God and handle this.   

In the bible study I am doing "Believing God" by Beth Moore she says this:

Galatians 4: 1-2

What I am saying is that as long as an heir is underage, he is no different from a slave, although he owns the whole estate. The heir is subject to guardians and trustees until the time set by his father.

You and I are joint heirs of Jesus Christ (Rom 8:17) We not only have a huge inheritance coming to us in heaven, but we also have gifts and riches to invest in kingdom work here on earth.  These scriptures help us to understand that 

Sometimes God waits until we have a little maturity to place more important trusts in our hands, He also reveals the wisdom of the principle by allowing us occasionally to see what can happen when we are given more responsibility than we have the maturity to handle... I shiver at the thought of ways I unintentionally misused my gifts and responsibilities..

I cried because I have a TRUE FRIEND that will reveal to me such knowledge and wisdom and stand behind me to pray for me, support me, encourage me & LOVE ME!! 

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