Wednesday, November 13, 2013

A dark Moment turns to JOY!!!!

     My beautiful baby girl turns 13 today... Walking back memory lane, I am reminded of a dark time that once loomed over me about 14 years ago. I was sitting in the hall of our ranch style home at the time.   My heart ached because I had desperately wanted to have a little girl that I could share my hopes and dreams with, whom I could have a relationship that I had lacked from a Mother/Daughter.  I would watch relationships of people that I knew that had a healthy relationship between a mother & daughter.  I saw them actively participating and investing into their lives.  God graciously blessed me with TWO boys, whom I LOVE dearly and felt extremely grateful that I had two!! I loved their spirits, HIGH ENERGY LEVEL, make believing, playing in the dirt, rough housing, building blocks/ tearing blocks, crashing cars & trucks.  I loved playing with them. I loved watching them spend time with DAD working, fishing, helping.. Watching their relationship and the bond they developed made me have a deeper longing to have a relationship with a daughter to where I could play dress up, and baby dolls, wear lace, and headbands, and do her hair, and..... and do PINK.. Not just BLUE!! As I was sitting in the hall in the dark house while everyone was asleep, I had wept. I had just experienced the loss of my second miscarriage and somehow believed that I also lost the will to want any more children. The pain was extreme, I couldn't bear to go through this deep emotional experience selfishly while God had given me two beautiful boys.  I had came to terms that evening that the two boys was all I was meant to handle and I needed to be okay with loosing my desires of ever having a beautiful baby girl!!
 "What Are Little Boys Made Of?"       
What Are Little Boys Made Of?

What are little boys made of?
What are little boys made of?
Frogs and snails and puppy-dogs' tails,
And that are little boys made of.

What are little girls made of?
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice and all things nice,
And that are little girls made of.

     A couple weeks had gone by and my hormones still was not regulating. I was making weekly trips to the doctors so they could check my blood work.  I had decided that once my hormones had regulated I would go back on the birth control pill.  During these weekly trips I had gotten sick and didn't feel like going. Several weeks went by and the doctors office called and wanted me to schedule an appointment to which I did and kept.   That evening they called and asked for me to come back to the office first thing in the morning as they believed something was wrong.  Terrified, I demanded that they explain to me what they "thought" was wrong.. After much prompting they explained that the hormone levels shot back up triple the amount and by now it should be normal.  They were thinking that I could be pregnant with A blighted ovum. It is a pregnancy loss that happens in very early pregnancy. It happens when the fertilized egg (ovum) implants in your uterus (womb), but a baby doesn't develop. They wanted me to come in for an ultrasound scan.

     The next morning, during the ultra sound the technician excused herself to go get the doctor.  I was panicking.. Why would she need to leave? And what was wrong? The doctor came in and looked at the ultra sound, and smiled! I was begging for them to tell me what was going on... After all the pain, heartache, loss and worry I was pregnant with my 5th child!!  I would not allow myself nor my emotions to get connected to this pregnancy for a really long time, for fear of loss... But seven months later I gave birth to a beautiful baby GIRL weighing 8lbs 8.8 oz @ 8:00 p.m. on November 13th, 2000!!!!

She was BREATH TAKING!! And MORE than I could have EVER IMAGINED!!!

Psalm 37:4 "Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

God used his good and perfect timing to bless me with THREE beautiful children.... One day I will meet my other two babies!! But for now, I am completely content with the blessings he has given me... And today, we celebrate the life of this precious miracle (in many ways) as she welcomes the next chapter of her life...... BEING A TEENAGER!! 




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