Monday, December 30, 2013

A Channel for HIM!!

I woke up this morning and thought about my BLOG!! I have really enjoyed writing (more than I thought I would) and realized I have let it go for AWHILE!!!

I am not so sure why I avoid things when I feel overwhelmed with it... It does make things worse, for example: I am terrible about keeping up with logging in grades for the kids... so what do I do? I avoid it... My excuse is.... "I will get to it later" But later never comes which leaves me a mountain of work to do!!

Same with the blog... My goal was to blog more frequent, but every day I went without doing it... it started to become "the thing of the past" But no sooner than I thought that, I realized something. This blog is an entry into our lives as we are on our journey and I do NOT want it to be a "thing of the past" Furthermore I want to use it as a tool to look back and see where we have been and where we are going!!

During all of this thought process I am determined to self examine and figure out why I avoid things the way I do?  A part of me wants to blame it on my dad as a learned behavior... When he and my mom would fight; and their marriage got hard he would leave... I watched him walk out of the family 'dynamics' more times than I care to count. Another part of me wants to blame it on my mom as a learned behavior.... Any pressing struggle or unknown circumstance would throw her into the behaviors she knew how to act upon which was fear and anxiety. She never could face a mountain that was put in front of her!! She avoided deep issues on a regular basis. However, I want to take responsibility for myself. Yes, I may have learned some of these behaviors but I also have the knowledge to work on achieving goals that are set before me. I want to be an example for not only myself, but my family!

So... as I work through this and struggle with the commitment of not only my blog, grading papers and other things that I avoid regularly; I embark on a new challenge to work through these issues all the while going deeper with other emotional issues. To continue to rely on the strength of God,  to be obedient in the transparency of our lives; in hopes that our daily struggles, and battles will encourage and give hope to others who may struggle in the same areas.  I pray that I can be an inspiration to others only through the help of the Lord as He uses me to be a channel for HIM!!

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