Monday, February 17, 2014

Because you ARE WILLING!!!!!

I often want to write when things are going great, but then I never make it a priority. It seems as if I am inspired to write after I've been through a trial, struggle, temptation or valley!! This blog is no different. It is about a recent valley that I've been through.  I pray that by sharing with you, It will inspire you as well to rely on the promises of God and the HOPE that he promises!!

My husband and I have a passion to help other families remember the importance of family unity.  We do this by opening up our lives to be transparent and authentic. We have been working in ministry now for about three years.  We love what we do most of the times but will loose our focus as we are only human.  Fears and doubts creep up and I begin to wander if what we are doing is even worth it. It is a constant struggle; as much as I would like to be exempt from this battle I can not pick or choose what the Lord will use to help us grow.  Often times the more he invades in our lives the more uncomfortable we become.  He is at constant work within us; changing us, molding us, making our "old creatures" like NEW. Before I realize what is happening often times then not I find myself complaining about the situation I am in.   I quickly become disappointed when I make myself available for others to hear the importance of "BEING STILL" before the LORD.  Then my eyes are opened; I must remove the LOG from my eyes before I can remove the SPECK from some body else! As frustrations begin to build I quickly realize that I am trying to play GOD.  My approach to throw myself and make myself available at the expense of every other schedule BUT MINE, is not what GOD IS CALLING ME TO DO!!! I am merely a tool from him, I am to help plant seeds. Then I am to get out of the way!! BUT.... there is a battle within me that fights..  Am I working hard enough?  I myself struggle with the "BEING STILL" I must be able to mold this, so that I can set myself apart for others to see the importance!  It seems as if the challenge arises repeatedly over the same issues that we struggle with. I know for me my husband and I are constantly being stretched, this includes in our own marriage!
 During the difficult times is when I should fully engage in prayers and communication with my spouse. Busyness and priorities lure around every home life.  We are emerged in a world around us that screams "Instant gratification"  But learning what God wants for our lives is a process. He himself went through a process... He overcame the world!! He did this so that we could overcome the areas in our lives that are a battle for us.
An area that is a battle for me is my marriage. It is most definitely worth fighting for!! When we lose our focus from the love and respect cycle, many other issues result because of it.  We recently just jumped a hurdle in our marriage that the root of the problem was a lack of communication.  This built up anger and resentment, causing a lack of love and respect.  The problem is sometimes its subconsciously that we struggle with these and as a result our own selfish desires control the behaviors and actions!  Mike and I could NOT get passed a certain situation recently.  I never realized that the pain I was experiencing from this was resulting in anger.  Which ultimately led to bitterness and resentment! He was so focused on a completely different issue, which resulted in some poor behaviors in the home.  Neither one of us knew our actions were effecting each other until we went away this weekend to an ART of MARRIAGE RETREAT! 

We truly need to be reminded that we are GOING TO HAVE conflict. I struggle with high expectations that Mike wasn't equipped to handle!  During one of the "project" times we had to pray and write a love letter to our spouses!! The moment was extremely impactful! If we can just remember that we are not out to COMPETE with one another but that we are to COMPLETE each other.  My defense wall had come down, and there I was before my husband and the LORD! The power of prayer is amazing!! It is so easy to point the finger and find fault in others. My focus was on Mike and his anger that I was filled with pain; all the while forgetting the lack of respect that I was showing him!!  It is so refreshing to see that God designed us as special gifts for one another! When we view each other in that manner it allows us to glorify God and not be self glorified!  Creating an environment to where we could face the moments in our relationship that draws us to isolation was beneficial so that forgiveness could be asked. When we took the time to ponder on the things that truly bother us we came to realize that in our conflicts there never comes a resolve. We may talk, or argue over issues so much that we simply just get tired and just "move on"  When I avoid this it leads to "passive anger" as a result I develop a deep rooted pain because my feelings are being invalidated.  When he moves on, he honestly feels that an issue has been resolved!!

A breath of fresh air came from this weekend! I truly love and AM IN LOVE with my HUSBAND!! We are going to go through many trials in our lives, but each hurdle is placed before us to prepare for the next one.  In order to be of help to others, there comes a time when you need to help yourself! I learned that this weekend.  Both Mike and I feel strongly that God's work is just beginning in this ministry that we are in... On the days of doubts; when I ask God why he has called me, when all I feel is weakness and inadequacies... those are the days He whispers ever so gentle and says....


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