Friday, April 18, 2014

More than a challenge


Writing this blog as proven to be more of a challenge then I thought it would be!! I wished I had the desire to write more often but often times I either wait till the last minute to think about doing it, struggle with exactly what to write, or find that sharing my most intimate thoughts can reveal more than I expect therefore procrastinate in doing so!!  At any rate I thought I would jot down a few thoughts and or things I am going through to keep the blog alive... and like always hope that I continue to write on a regular basis...

1) Mike and I recently went through a valley.. Those closest to us helped pray us through it. I wished I could say that because we are working in ministry it exempts us from trouble but it is quite the opposite! We went to an Art of Marriage conference and a workshop entitled Marriage Matters at our Camp sectionals. These tools enabled us to see what we were struggling with and encouraged us to preserve through the hard and difficult times. When we go through a hard time there is always beauty on the other side. Knowing that Mike is truly my best friend and that we can learn and grow together allows me to see the beauty in our marriage and love and appreciate him for he is......
2) The last few months God has really open my eyes in dealing with balance. This is the word I choose for the year 2014. I wanted to pick a broad word to allow room for growth. I didn't realize at the time that in doing so, God would be chiseling in many areas of my life.  For starters, he is working on the social aspect of my life. Because I am a relational person I struggle with understanding why God has to remove certain people from my life! I have the motto, that "everyone gets along" and "the more the merrier".. which really are false expectations of true friendships. Not everyone gets along, and in some situations the more is not the merrier. These last few months I have needed to rely on him more in this area than ever before. Not only has he removed certain people from my life he has removed ME from activities and situations as well. I was recently explaining to a friend the other day that just because we get served a WHOLE  pie doesn't mean the WHOLE thing is for us exactly, in fact a PIECE of the pie is really what is intended.  Any more than that at a serving would really be gluttony. I started to think about that as a parallel for situations that I have been involved with. I think I over indulged in this area, as I have a hard time letting go. I want to see the positive in everyone, therefore become blinded by warning signs and behaviors that aren't beneficial for kingdom building. God brings people in our lives for seasons, just as the seasons change also the people involved in our lives do as well.   Not only people but situations change.  I was thinking about the level of involvement for me and wondered what had changed with that as well?  After praying about it, I feel as if this too was something I held onto longer than I needed to. When we first moved I needed the comfort of belonging and needed to feel as if I had a purpose. Although God placed me in some activities that was beneficial at the time, it became evident that I relied on those things instead of God. Removing myself from them, was the only way I could really see what his plan was for me and our future. Even though it has been difficult at times, I know that God's ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts.
Another area of balance that I am working through is my health. This has been a difficult area for me because I struggle with chronic pain, often times leaving me on the fine line of self pity.  Symptoms pile on and when it isn't one thing it is another.  My back, my jaw, my blood pressure.... (The highest it's been was 190/170.. It recently is 170/122 so it's coming down!!) It is a constant battle that often times leave me in a pit of despair or feeling guilty. Time in Time again, God reaches his mighty hand and picks me up from the battle ground whispering ever so gently that HE is in CONTROL and that HE HAS THIS!! I am so thankful for his peace in times of trouble!
3) Another area God is working on through balance is my Confidence in HIM. I am currently doing three bible studies: A Confident Heart by Renee Swope, Jesus is Calling by Sarah Young and 3030 Challenge by Joyce Meyers. (More on this one at a later time!!)
4) Lastly I believe that God is preparing us for the next step in our journey. I think of how long he prepared for his ministry and how long he actually did ministry, and think I hope we are not in a "learning season" for 30 years! Both Mike and I want to remain teachable, there is always something to learn in life's lesson, even through the preparations for our next step in this journey: we want to remain teachable, we want to remain faithful, we want to remain focused. My emotional, spiritual & physical limits are being tested and chiseled as I learn to be balanced. Like the writing of the blog, thus too has been proven to be more than a challenge!!

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