Sunday, March 8, 2015

Keep making me~

~The pain robs me of my day, it overwhelms me, it steels my thoughts and focus. All I can think about is the excruciating & undescrible pain that I am tormented with.. I cry out for help, but there is no relief. I struggle with my thoughts. Do I not have enough faith?  Will those around me get exhausted and tired of praying for me? What is the purpose of all of this?  Am I bringing His name glory? I can't focus on any of the answers, the pain take a my breath away.. I clinch my teeth, my jaws hurt.. my face swollen from the tears! My stomach upset from the emotion... Embarrassment is swept over me as I rely on anyone around to help me walk... I must concentrate to get my leg to move.. slowly, one step, then two, then three....
I am back in bed, alone, tired, exhausted my body winches in pain.. I cry... What am I doing wrong? How much longer must I suffer?... THEN, in the quite of the room I hear a whisper.... A SOFT, GENTLE WHISPER..... "Shawna, I love you"
Although I am crying, I cry harder knowing that my heavenly Father is with me... Unexplainable peace comes over me... I reach out to a friend who sends an encouraging scripture...

"Ephesians 1:11-12"

"In him we were also chosen having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his willin order that we who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of His glory"

~I have been chosen to bear this pain.. it is according to His plan who works everything out for the purpose of His will so that we may praise him through it..
I am often reminded of the apostles Paul and the "Thorn that was in His side" what was it? I don't know but it was something he struggled with... 

~Just like I don't have the answer to when I will be free from this pain, but I do no know it is a STRUGGLE. . A struggle the Lord has chosen to use to help ground my faith, as I run to him in my deepest desire.. As hard as it is sometimes, as weak and vulnerable as i become I must look at it as a gift because I know that:

 in this brokenness, in this lonliness, in this pain will come a greater blessing!!!!

If this is what it takes for me to believe that HE IS MY ONE DESIRE, MY ONE LOVE, MY ONE BREATH.... THEN LORD I ASK THAT YOU KEEP MAKING ME~


SIDEWALK PROPHETS 

"Keep Making Me"

Make me broken

So I can be healed

'Cause I'm so calloused

And now I can't feel

I want to run to You

With heart wide open

Make me broken


Make me empty

So I can be filled

'Cause I'm still holding

Onto my will

And I'm completed

When you are with me

Make me empty


[Chorus:]

'Til You are my one desire

'Til You are my one true love

'Til You are my breath, my everything

Lord, please keep making me


Make me lonely

So I can be Yours

'Til I want no one

More than You, Lord

'Cause in the darkness

I know You will hold me

Make me lonely


[Chorus]


'Til You are my one desire

'Til You are my one true love

'Til You are my breath, my everything

Lord, please keep making,

I know You'll keep making

Lord, please keep making me





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