After my recent trip home I was overcome with emotions as to where I should 'call home'???
I was born and raised in Ohio; however we have made a new home in a new state. While driving to camp this morning this song came on the radio... I have heard it before, but OH how fitting it was for me this time around while struggling with the question. It doesn't matter where we reside, this is only a temporary home!
Building 429
"Where I belong"
Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive
I won't keep searching for answers that aren't here to find
All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong
So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.
All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong
When the earth shakes I wanna be found in You
When the lights fade I wanna be found in You
All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Strolling down memory lane!!
The time has quickly gone by! I can't believe 10 months have gone by since our family departed from Ohio to start a new journey. Our journey has had many twists and turns, ups and downs, good times, bad times, sad times and happy times...I remind myself all the time...
"that my thoughts are not God's thoughts my ways are not his ways" Isaiah 55:8-9
I look back on these last 10 months and recap some of the highlights of this adventure:
1) established a home in Nebraska
2) accomplished many goals and continue to do so
3) developed long lasting friendships
4) grown in our spiritual walk with the Lord
I also look back and recollect some of the moments in time that lead us to many different emotions
1) We received our first financial support from anonymous donor of $1.11 (truly humbled me and touched my heart)
2) Our needs were provided for
3) I had come to terms with the fact that for many years I planted a harvest of busyness and you reap what you sow. I acknowledged the behavior and decided to rearrange my priorities
4) Our vehicle broke down (again, again, again and yet again) (haha)
5) We were blessed with the opportunity to go to an outdoor festival called Lifelight..
6) Met a wonderful organization called AMEN, that truly puts the missional living behind the faith that Christ talks about in his word
7) My sister and Ryan surprised us with a visit
8) We learned different traditions for the holidays as we celebrated them alone
9) I began to home school
10) joined a co-op
11) attended a 10 week marriage training to counsel couples
12) was blessed to have dental care, & eye care
13) was utilized in many different occasions to be a channel for God
14) herniated a disc in my back
15) put on TONS of weight
16) have been completely and utterly thankful for the many, many blessings that have been showered upon our family
16) have had a couple "rounds" of depression (my silent struggle)
17) Spent many hours at camp
18) Started several social groups
l9) Finished my first year of homeschooling!!!!!!
20) Coming HOME FOR A VISIT!!!!
Our family will get the privilege of traveling back to Ohio for a visit!! We are looking forward to seeing as many people as we can!! I guess this is why I started thinking back over our journey. As I was packing tonight I did the calculation in my head as to how long we've been gone, which made me ponder on the last 10 months to send me down memory lane!
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" Ephesians 3:20
As you can see I couldn't possibly list all the things that has happened ( I guess you should re read all my posts if you want to know more than whats on the list... haha) the last 10 months. But I will say this.................
We serve an awesome God! I am truly thankful for this journey we are on. I am truly thankful that in this journey we have been given time to go visit our loved ones..I am truly excited for the wild and wonderful experience that we will experience here at camp this summer after our visit, and can not see all the amazing things that God has in store for US!!!
"that my thoughts are not God's thoughts my ways are not his ways" Isaiah 55:8-9
I look back on these last 10 months and recap some of the highlights of this adventure:
1) established a home in Nebraska
2) accomplished many goals and continue to do so
3) developed long lasting friendships
4) grown in our spiritual walk with the Lord
I also look back and recollect some of the moments in time that lead us to many different emotions
1) We received our first financial support from anonymous donor of $1.11 (truly humbled me and touched my heart)
2) Our needs were provided for
3) I had come to terms with the fact that for many years I planted a harvest of busyness and you reap what you sow. I acknowledged the behavior and decided to rearrange my priorities
4) Our vehicle broke down (again, again, again and yet again) (haha)
5) We were blessed with the opportunity to go to an outdoor festival called Lifelight..
6) Met a wonderful organization called AMEN, that truly puts the missional living behind the faith that Christ talks about in his word
7) My sister and Ryan surprised us with a visit
8) We learned different traditions for the holidays as we celebrated them alone
9) I began to home school
10) joined a co-op
11) attended a 10 week marriage training to counsel couples
12) was blessed to have dental care, & eye care
13) was utilized in many different occasions to be a channel for God
14) herniated a disc in my back
15) put on TONS of weight
16) have been completely and utterly thankful for the many, many blessings that have been showered upon our family
16) have had a couple "rounds" of depression (my silent struggle)
17) Spent many hours at camp
18) Started several social groups
l9) Finished my first year of homeschooling!!!!!!
20) Coming HOME FOR A VISIT!!!!
Our family will get the privilege of traveling back to Ohio for a visit!! We are looking forward to seeing as many people as we can!! I guess this is why I started thinking back over our journey. As I was packing tonight I did the calculation in my head as to how long we've been gone, which made me ponder on the last 10 months to send me down memory lane!
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" Ephesians 3:20
As you can see I couldn't possibly list all the things that has happened ( I guess you should re read all my posts if you want to know more than whats on the list... haha) the last 10 months. But I will say this.................
We serve an awesome God! I am truly thankful for this journey we are on. I am truly thankful that in this journey we have been given time to go visit our loved ones..I am truly excited for the wild and wonderful experience that we will experience here at camp this summer after our visit, and can not see all the amazing things that God has in store for US!!!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Sadness creeps IN!!
Day turns to night, day after day, week after week. You're laying in bed and you realize sadness has crept in! It makes you ache, it makes you sick, it makes you feel alone and afraid. Why do I let this happened- DEPRESSION- its' been a silent struggle I've struggled with since I could remember.
The difference between the past and the presence is that I've chosen to rip the mask of manipulation off and now share in my struggle. I will not lie. I will not deceive.
I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made; I know God's kindness, and mercy is forever. As I rage in the battle, as the stronghold overwhelms me, I begin to crawl to the feet of the one who offers the redeeming love, and peace. Its not enough for me as I can not get there quick enough on my own. The shame and guilt get in the way. I am not worthy.
Ephesians 6:11-18
"Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."
When we run away from God's promises, his presence and his will for our lives; we will be engulfed in despair. We will wrestle with our own wills, our own control, and our own strength ultimately falling short every time
Romans 3:24
"For we all fall short of the glory of God"
Romans 8:18
"Consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."
Psalm 27:1
"The LORD is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid"
Our fears, worries, burdens are to casted upon Jesus we shall fear nothing
1 Peter 5:7
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you"
Ephesians 3:12
"Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God's presence"
Psalm 40:11
" Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD; may your love and your truth always protect me"
God help me to trust in you, remaining in you!! Help me to not only crawl to you, but help me to get up and run confidently and boldly into your presence.. I am not worthy, but you love ME!! I set my hope in you as you are the everlasting God. Whom shall I FEAR??
The difference between the past and the presence is that I've chosen to rip the mask of manipulation off and now share in my struggle. I will not lie. I will not deceive.
I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made; I know God's kindness, and mercy is forever. As I rage in the battle, as the stronghold overwhelms me, I begin to crawl to the feet of the one who offers the redeeming love, and peace. Its not enough for me as I can not get there quick enough on my own. The shame and guilt get in the way. I am not worthy.
Ephesians 6:11-18
"Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."
When we run away from God's promises, his presence and his will for our lives; we will be engulfed in despair. We will wrestle with our own wills, our own control, and our own strength ultimately falling short every time
Romans 3:24
"For we all fall short of the glory of God"
Romans 8:18
"Consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."
Psalm 27:1
"The LORD is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid"
Our fears, worries, burdens are to casted upon Jesus we shall fear nothing
1 Peter 5:7
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you"
Ephesians 3:12
"Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God's presence"
Psalm 40:11
" Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD; may your love and your truth always protect me"
God help me to trust in you, remaining in you!! Help me to not only crawl to you, but help me to get up and run confidently and boldly into your presence.. I am not worthy, but you love ME!! I set my hope in you as you are the everlasting God. Whom shall I FEAR??
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Though I'm not worthy!!
Kari Jobe's song "Though I'm not worthy" is the only words to express the way MY heart feels this evening!
Though I'm not worthy
To see Your precious face
I bow before Thee
Pour out Your holy grace
For You alone can wash my sin
And cleanse my soul so deep within
Heal me, wash me in Your mercy
Mend these broken pieces of my heart
Love me, though I am not worthy
Cleanse my soul and make me whole again
Only say the word
And I shall be healed
Though I'm not worthy
In Your grace I long to stand
And bow before Thee
Stretch out Your healing hand
For You alone can purify
And heal these wounds so deep inside
Heal me, wash me in Your mercy
Mend these broken pieces of my heart
Love me, though I am not worthy
Cleanse my soul and make me whole again
Only say the word
And I shall be healed
Be healed, I'm not worthy
To feel Your love, oh Lord
I bow before Thee
My Savior be adored
For You alone break hardened hearts
And bid all bitterness depart
Heal me, wash me in Your mercy
Mend these broken pieces of my heart
Love me, though I am not worthy
Cleanse my soul and make me whole again
Only say the word
And I shall be healed
Though I'm not worthy
To see Your precious face
I bow before Thee
Pour out Your holy grace
For You alone can wash my sin
And cleanse my soul so deep within
Heal me, wash me in Your mercy
Mend these broken pieces of my heart
Love me, though I am not worthy
Cleanse my soul and make me whole again
Only say the word
And I shall be healed
Though I'm not worthy
In Your grace I long to stand
And bow before Thee
Stretch out Your healing hand
For You alone can purify
And heal these wounds so deep inside
Heal me, wash me in Your mercy
Mend these broken pieces of my heart
Love me, though I am not worthy
Cleanse my soul and make me whole again
Only say the word
And I shall be healed
Be healed, I'm not worthy
To feel Your love, oh Lord
I bow before Thee
My Savior be adored
For You alone break hardened hearts
And bid all bitterness depart
Heal me, wash me in Your mercy
Mend these broken pieces of my heart
Love me, though I am not worthy
Cleanse my soul and make me whole again
Only say the word
And I shall be healed
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