Sunday, April 29, 2012

Sadness creeps IN!!

Day turns to night, day after day, week after week.  You're laying in bed and you realize sadness has crept in! It makes you ache, it makes you sick, it makes you feel alone and afraid.  Why do I let this happened- DEPRESSION- its' been a silent struggle I've struggled with since I could remember.
The difference between the past and the presence is that I've chosen to rip the mask of manipulation off and now share in my struggle. I will not lie. I will not deceive.
I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made; I know God's kindness, and mercy is forever.  As I rage in the battle, as the stronghold overwhelms me, I begin to crawl to the feet of the one who offers the redeeming love, and peace. Its not enough for me as I can not get there quick enough on my own. The shame and guilt get in the way. I am not worthy.

Ephesians 6:11-18
"Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."

When we run away from God's promises, his presence and his will for our lives; we will be engulfed in despair.  We will wrestle with our own wills, our own control, and our own strength ultimately falling short every time

Romans 3:24
"For we all fall short of the glory of God"

Romans 8:18
"Consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

Psalm 27:1
"The LORD is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid"

Our fears, worries, burdens are to casted upon Jesus we shall fear nothing
1 Peter 5:7
"Cast  all your anxiety on him because he cares for you"
Ephesians 3:12

"Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God's presence"

Psalm 40:11
" Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD; may your love and your truth always protect me"
God help me to trust in you, remaining in you!! Help me to not only crawl to you, but help me to get up and run confidently and boldly into your presence.. I am not worthy, but you love ME!! I set my hope in you as you are the everlasting God.  Whom shall I FEAR??

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Though I'm not worthy!!

Kari Jobe's song "Though I'm not worthy" is the only words to express the way MY heart feels this evening!

Though I'm not worthy
To see Your precious face
I bow before Thee
Pour out Your holy grace
For You alone can wash my sin
And cleanse my soul so deep within

Heal me, wash me in Your mercy
Mend these broken pieces of my heart
Love me, though I am not worthy
Cleanse my soul and make me whole again
Only say the word
And I shall be healed

Though I'm not worthy
In Your grace I long to stand
And bow before Thee
Stretch out Your healing hand
For You alone can purify
And heal these wounds so deep inside

Heal me, wash me in Your mercy
Mend these broken pieces of my heart
Love me, though I am not worthy
Cleanse my soul and make me whole again
Only say the word
And I shall be healed

Be healed, I'm not worthy
To feel Your love, oh Lord
I bow before Thee
My Savior be adored
For You alone break hardened hearts
And bid all bitterness depart

Heal me, wash me in Your mercy
Mend these broken pieces of my heart
Love me, though I am not worthy
Cleanse my soul and make me whole again
Only say the word
And I shall be healed

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Series updates!!!

Kirk's art school is going well.  He is doing Street Art: Hiero-graffiti and absolutely loves it!! His art classes will continue for the next few weeks. 
He then will enroll into Hidden Acres Art School
He will attend an art camp in June that will concentrate
on pastel painting, pencil drawing, and the pottery wheel.  The additional time will be spent on drawing skills
In the fall he and Lyvvie will enroll as students for a 24 week program where they will learn how to use different media.
We have made the deposit in faith, but praying God will provide for their art school!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Series of updates....

Summer is approaching quickly! It's hard to believe we have been here 9 months already.  Because of my back, I haven't been as involved as I would have liked so it has felt really good to be back @ camp!! This weekend we had a group of nearly 200. The 11 hour shift today is just a reminder of what's to come; as are excited and anticipating an eventful summer.  All three kids have been registered to attend their own camp.  It will be nice for them to have fun and socialize with peers their own age.
Amongst the many projects Mike has done around camp:
he has finished the pool roof (from the wind storm)
 remodeled the girls bathroom
completed the work of the dining hall 
 built a temporary cover for the shop (to cover vehicles through the winter)
started to lay carpet in the bunk houses
touch up and finish in the two lodges

Projects to be completed are:
painting the bottom of the pool
filling the pool
Mike is going to attend a class to read levels and  adjust chemicals for the pool 
build a "screen in movable" room for various purposes
lots of miscellaneous projects as well

Mike loves when he is productive; he has loved the busyness.  But nothing is compared to what will come.  We are embracing the excitement and pray that God will show up in a mighty way!!!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Series of updates!!!

WE are almost done with our first year of homeschooling!!! It has been a challenging journey, however very exciting..
When we started this journey I was gripped with fear, consumed with worry and frankly overwhelmed. I didn't know where to start.  I felt inadequate to say the least.  But with every obstacle that is put before you, you must start one step @ a time. 
The kids were behind and I knew that, so we started our year with a mountain to climb.  Some days came easier than others. But some days brought me to my knees as I cried many tears.  I was overcome by so many emotions. We took it in stride however, as we faced each day.   
I will say I am overjoyed with the progress the kids have made.  We still are climbing our mountain.. 
In this years time; I had a child regain his self-worth, a child who gained his confidence back and a child who realized that learning does not need to take place in a building.   This year I realized that when your up against an obstacle -no matter the size- It's not about your inadequacy, but of an adequate God who has so much strength, grace and wisdom.  I have learned to lay my pride down and ask for help, asking for help is not a sign of weakness, Our greatest strength is knowing when to ask for help. I have learned that God places before us support when needed. And that "we have not because we ask not" I have learned that educating my own children has been non other than a complete blessing! 

A series of quick updates!!

I find myself lacking in my blog when I am not challenged!!
Therefore, I am doing another 30 day challenge...
I have so much to update on I will do it over the course of quick updates....

Update ONE!!

My back is doing great!!! The shot seems to be working. I have put on so much weight that the next goal is too loose it and to get back in shape.....

Monday, April 9, 2012


     I received my injection today to alleviate the pain in my back from my herniated disc!! I am sore from the actual shot however, and will need to take it easy over the next 48 hours.....
I am so hopeful though. I can not wait to return to my daily activities and begin to train for another 5K!!! I had a reminder of how fun life can be when we play!  My back hasn't been such an issue this last week; I found myself, with my family, out to Camp enjoying the land and playing the new game they got for the summer!!!!
(commerical for camp... the game is called 9 square and its AMAZING... SO MUCH FUN)
As eager as I am to fill my daily calendar I'm also aware these last few months have brought much peace and relaxation. It has opened my mind and made me realize that life isn't always about me. I have also wasted a lot of time.  A balance that, I think, we all struggle with on a daily basis. A question that looms in my mind......
 "How often do we take life for granted??"
 We assume we will be given another opportunity, another day, another chance. But this isn't true.  What if your very life was taken from you, or you were in an accident and the things you enjoyed you no longer could do?  What if the second chance you thought you had no longer existed because the chance slipped through your hands? I do not suggest we live in the past filled with bitterness or regret but what I do suggest is that we make every day a day that we simply know in our hearts that if the chance was gone we could and would be happy!  Happiness does not come in being overwhelmed, tired or run-down.  Happiness does not come when we just let life pass us by as if we are on a carousal just going through the motions; as if it is expected from us. What is Happiness???

Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.

So, What makes us Happy?  Of course, when I first read that question my first response would be my family, friends, fun, my kids behaving..... etc.etc..  ADD YOUR first response......

The worlds' idea of happiness is money, drugs, alcohol, sex (hey I'm being honest), success, achievements  etc.etc. etc......

You see the things listed are temporary. Although causing great happiness it's only for a time, and doesn't last.  It is not concrete, which leaves a void in our hearts longing for more. The problem is we were created to have a void in our hearts, not to fill it with the worlds temporary contentment or happiness, but to fill it with everlasting joy that comes when we truly love our neighbors and seek out missional living.

True happiness is when we give to others, we serve others, we make ourselves available to LOVE... even when its hard to do or "FIT" into our very busy lives...
True happiness is not SELF-SEEKING ITS SELF-GIVING

Jesus, himself, did not come to be served but to serve others!!

You may ask yourself, "How did this go from talking about how painful your back was to happiness and serving others?" That my friend, is a great question.  As you see, I've had a lot of time to ponder on what true happiness is while feeling the pain in my back. Just as Jesus truly felt true pain as he was beaten and broken for us; all he could do in his time of need was pray for the forgiveness of others. Life isn't about the hustle and bustle of what the world offers. It isn't about filling our calendars to the max with appointments and commitments. It isn't about sports, careers, success or any other thing previously listed as "happiness" At the end of the day none of that matters.  What truly matters is that we allow ourselves to be the "hands and feet" of a God that will give us eternal peace and that is where I found my true happiness.  Regardless of my situation or my condition at the end of the day I want to be able to say "This day wasn't taken for granted, it wasn't misused by filling it with temporary happiness, THIS day was used to bring me great joy, and that my friends brings us great happiness!!!

"The Power of Your Name"
Surely children were not made for the streets
And fathers were not made to leave
Surely this isn't how it should be                    
Let Your kingdom come         
Surely nations were not made for war
Or the broken meant to be ignored
Surely this just can't be what you saw                   
Let Your kingdom come here in my heart        
I will live
To carry Your compassion
 To love a world that's broken                      
To be Your hands and feet        
I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion                     
To see the world be changed
the power of Your name
Surely life wasn't made to regret
And the lost were not made to forget
Surely faith without action is dead                   
Let Your kingdom come                 
Lord break this heart
Jesus Your name
is a shelter for the hurting
Is a refuge for the weak
Only Your name
Can redeem the undeserving                    
Jesus Your name       
Holds everything I need

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Happy Easter!!!!!

     The last week has been a whirlwind, as always, leading up to a holiday event!!!! It has been such fun helping my friends this week.. My back has been cooperating with me, which has given me several wonderful days. 
The week allowed me to.......
 1) Make a paper mache tomb with a friend for Easter
2)  Help with a birthday party for a very special girl, (we even managed to get a couple rounds of euchre  in afterwards!!)
3) Throw an Easter Egg Hunt for our Co-op group following a brunch at our house.  The kids and I played games, did activities and prepared resurrection rolls to teach them the meaning of Easter.
4) Went to Camp and enjoyed the land, played the new game 9 square for hours- Which is totally AWESOME!!!!
5) Celebrated Easter @ Church and remembering this special day; That Christ has Risen!!!
6) Making Easter Dinner this afternoon..
7) Our family will deliver Easter Lillies to the shut-ins tomorrow Morning...
8) I get my injection tomorrow afternoon!!!! Please be praying around 2:45-3:00!!!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Have you ever wondered??

Have you ever wondered why things happened to certain people and not to you??
Have you ever wondered why people struggle more so than others?
Have you ever wondered why some people have more faith than others?
Have you ever wondered where God was?
Have you ever wondered if your cross was too heavy to carry?

Well I HAVE!! While pondering on these questions I am reminded of a story that was told at church years ago......

This is a story about a man who came complaining to the Lord, bringing a cross he was carrying. He said "Lord I am tired of carrying this heavy cross of mine. The burdens of life are too much and I am tired of bearing this big heavy load".

So the Lord took him to a door, opened it, and inside was a room full of crosses, large and small. Some were so big they reached up to the ceiling. The Lord said, "Just look around and pick out any cross you think you can bear."

The man searched and looked, but didn't see any he was willing to carry. He was about to give up when finally he spotted, in a far corner, a small cross standing alone. He said, "Lord, that is the cross I want" The Lord looked at him and said softly, "My son, that is the cross you just brought in!"

Sometimes we think that what were going through is too much for us to bear. We all have a cross to carry, but God is there to help strengthen us and won't allow more on us than we can bear.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Long overdue!!!!!

I realized last night that it had been a while since I last updated my blog!!!! So you are getting a buffet of information...

Update on things we've been involved with:
1)  I organized a field trip, with our Coop,  to the SAC museum.  We took 29 kids and 11 adults. The  kids learned about comets, asteroids, and meteors. They also experienced hands on activities.  It was a great group and we had a lot of fun!!
2) Mike passed his EMT National Registry and officially is an EMT!!! He most likely will not practice outside of camp; however, it will be beneficial during camp season and to keep our door of opportunity open!!
3) Kirk started his ART classes, after a long, anticipated wait!! The class he originally was going to take back in Feb/March was overbooked. Due to the fact it was on the same day as Co-op, we opted out. Therefore he will be doing most of his art classes this summer. He is attending Joslyn Art Museum currently for a graffiti class.  In June, he will attend an Art Camp on charcoal drawing with Hidden Acres School, and this fall he and Lyvvie are enrolled to do a 24 week art class!!!
4) Lyv and I hosted a Mother/Daughter Bunco, game night, in OUR PJ'S!!!! We had 21 amazing mommies/daughters show up for this event!! We awarded many prizes and had a look a like contest as well... What a wonderful evening!!!
5) Camp is gearing up and making preparations for summer camp. Mike is excited as he has a lot of work to do.. A few months ago during a winter storm the pool house to the camp lost its roof. So Mike and the boys did a lot of work to help out with that.  Kirk has been a wonderful partner for Mike.  They have spent a lot of hours not only working but creating a bond.  The bathrooms to the camp are being remodeled amongst other little jobs that Mike has his hand in.
6) Mike started a service project with the high school kids of the co-op. We were able to find someone who was willing to allow him the opportunity to teach the kids, allowing them to get hands on experience.  The kids took two weeks, and did a great job!
7) There is a month left of school.  We are working diligently to accomplish our goals.  The kids will take their state assessment test April 14th & 21st in Omaha.  The kids need your prayers to help them with this test!!!
(Inside JOKE!!)
 8) I attended a city wide bible study with Beth Moore on the study of James... this will be my next blog as it will be equally long!!
9) I have thoroughly enjoyed bringing several women together in various groups.  Laughter is truly the best medicine and we have shared in "much medicine"

1) We are still awaiting approval for the injection for my back. I haven't been able to fully return to my normal activities which is wearing on me.. I continue to pray for healing, and quick relieve and ask that you continue to join me?
2) Like I mentioned State testing is April 14th & 21st for all three kids.
3) I will be attending my first Homeschooling Convention          April 27 & 28th.
4) Preparation for Summer Camp.  I am currently working on "policy and procedure rules" for Snack Shack; along with creating a menu and looking into prices. 
5) We will be visiting, OHIO, May 12th-21st! The kids will stay till May 30th. WE are looking forward to seeing friends & family!!