One of my best and favorite moments with my mom was when I was 17 years old and I had to tell her I was pregnant with my son. I was frighten and scared. I was just a child myself. I knew this was one of her fears that held her daughters so closely by her side. She did not want us to experience the rough life of beginning at such a young age. And here I was needing to tell her and not knowing the outcome of the situation. I had kept the secret for 5 months. When I finally told her she embraced me; it took me by surprise and we both fell over into a chair, and there we both wept for awhile. We had shared a moment of love together that was real. I longed for her to show me love, affection or emotions..... In this moment of time we shared it all. She continued to show support through out the duration of my pregnancy and stood by my side as we welcomed my beautiful son into this world. She sacrificed her schedule to watch him my last year of school so I could finish my high school year. It was soon thereafter that our relationship once again took a turn for the worse. We both build a wedge in between us and held each other at arms lengths away.
If I could tell anyone that struggles with a damaged relationship I would say....
Don't let pride, shame, fear and guilt get in the way of a relationship. Ask yourself what you have done to be personally responsible. Have your actions built a wall or have your actions built a bridge? Consequently, I have regrets for not doing my part. I saw how my mom could be in her positive ways, and in her negative ways. I choose to allow her negativity to cloud the positive and then believed a lie that our relationship wasn't worth being restored. I long to tell her that I LOVE some of the very things she loved like:
These very things could have bonded us and created special times that could have been great memories.
Romans 12:18 "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone"
I let too many years go by pridefully and shamefully refusing to see how we truly were a like and so many ways.
I am thankful for the restoration in our relationship right before she passed away. I am thankful to know she has no more pain, no more fear, no more anxiety. I am thankful that one day I will get to see her again.